The One with Weaknesses

Hello from Coomi!

This week was a roller coaster! Let me just give y'all a little piece of advice: Unless you want to be completely and utterly cut down, don't pray for humility or ask God to show you your weaknesses.

This week we had half-training meeting (I can't believe we're already halfway through training!) and just being around all of the other powerful, amazing trainers who are such great examples to me made me feel so inadequate and I left that meeting with the longest list of things I need to do to be a better trainer. I felt that I needed to be more humble and reliant on God to train Sister Workman and be a better companion to her. So I knelt down and prayed for humility so that I could fulfill my calling as a missionary and a trainer better. And, honestly, the next few days that followed were some of the hardest days of my mission, It was like everything I was doing was wrong and every weakness of mine was made known to me. I realized that during my mission I have focused way to much on learning Korean and being perfect at it, so I am really bad at teaching by the spirit and relying on God, rather than the language and it is easier for me to have an everyday conversation with people than a gospel conversation in Korean, which is opposite of my purpose. I also realized how much I seriously suck at speaking Korean and how far I have to go before I am fluent. I realized everything I am doing wrong as a trainer, and I realized that there is a whole heck of a lot more I need to do to be Christlike. I just wanted to collapse and die in the gloom and pressure of inadequacy. But then Sister Workman and I were talking when we were out looking for people to teach and we started talking about Ether 12:27 and how God gives us weaknesses to humble us, remind us that we are completely 100% reliant on Him, and then as we rely on Him we are made strong. But that process is easier said than done!! Having God, our biggest role model and the person we look up to most, show us our weaknesses so blatantly is painful and discouraging. And the reason why it is painful and discouraging is because as humans we naturally tend to choose to ignore our weaknesses or just write them off as "who we are"  and sometimes we just need to be humbled right down to the core. But as simple as being humbled sounds, its not that easy! In order to be humbled, God will drag you though the dirt and then put you in front of a magnified mirror where you can see every blemish and imperfection you have. But, God does this in our best interest because according to Moroni, we are given our weaknesses to be humble and the humble give their will over to God, recognize that they are nothing without Him, repent, and through doing so they receive strength and power from God. So after wading through the muck for a few days and counseling  with God as all of this was happening, I realized what I needed to fix and decided that it was time for me to get out of the mud pool because Satan knew that I was in a weak point and he was trying to tempt me into thinking that I was worthless. So I kept my eyes on God's light, asked the Elders for a priesthood blessing, and I was able to walk out of that experience knowing what I need to change and how I can be better because heaven knows, I'm so far from perfect. 

So, here's my advice to you! If you want to go looking for your weaknesses, only do it while you are holding God's hand. And as you are wading through that muck, make sure that you only listen to the voice that is telling you that the weaknesses are something that you can and will overcome. Any other voice trying to convince you that you are worthless and that you should just move into a house in the mud definitely does not come from God, I can testify of that. As sons and daughters of God, we have an immense potential that comes from our Heavenly Heritage. And nothing can stop us from living up to our potential except for us listening to Satan. And if we strive to have the spirit with us always by keeping up on the little things like reading our scriptures, praying, serving others, etc. we will have the spirit's constant protection from Satan's voice. My favorite member in Coomi said, "nothing can stop the spirit." And it is so true! Satan tries to overwhelm me and scare me into thinking that going home and adjusting back to normal life is this big, scary thing, but in reality, it is very simple. I know if I just simply keep the commandments (especially the little ones), then it will all go smoothly.

Sorry for getting up on a soapbox every week! When I was a younger missionary I'm sure my emails were a whole lot more fun because I didn't just write the longest lecture on faith! I am turning into such a grandma/stick in the mud! ㅎㅎ 

Here's the update on Coomi for this week:

Jung Boram decided that she doesn't want to get baptized until the winter when her teacher comes to Korea! I am heartbroken! I am so nervous that something is going to happen and that she isn't ever going to actually end up getting baptized!! Satan is a tricky little snake and he wants to do everything he can to keep her as far away from the baptismal font as possible!! She also said that she doesn't want to do the lessons until winter. Luckily, she is still faithfully coming to church every Sunday though! We just need to explain to her that the lessons are something she can continuously do to prepare for baptism in the winter. Please pray that her heart will soften, her mind will change, and that we will be able to teach her again.

We met with Nam Gyunghoei Sister again and we had the most intensely spiritual lesson with her! We taught her about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and baptism and she said it was all just like a "fairy tale" and that believing in God is too good to be true. But I testified to her with all that I had in me that this is not just a fairy tale, that I love God, and that I know he lives. We testified of the hope that knowing about God brings and that life is absolutely not a fairy tale. Life is hard, but God is the love and hope that gets us through it and allows us to be happy even when things are hard. Dad would laugh because she said that I was the "most positive person she's ever met." Take that Dad, for ever calling me negative.ㅋㅋㅋ (People really can change!) She said that she would think more about the gospel and baptism. Pray for her!

Today we are meeting with a new investigator named Yoon Jabin at 5:00! Pray for her as well!

Well, that's all I have to say about this week!

사랑해요!!!

"I you love!"

Sister Johns

요한들 자매