Kenzie+Korea: The Last One

I seriously cannot believe I'm writing this email right now. How the heck did time go by so fast?! I feel like it was just yesterday that my plane landed in Korea. Just yesterday that I was with Kim Yeji in Jinhae. Just yesterday that Pohang changed my life. Just yesterday since training Sister Workman and Jung Borahm's baptism. Just yesterday that I touched down on Jeju! And it feels like I have so much more time left. It feels like I'll just get another transfer call on Saturday night and go off to my next area, but instead I'll just be getting a text with my plane ticket confirmation for my flight to Pusan to go to the mission home, then my train ticket to Seoul, then home. And that is a stab to the heart every time I think about it. I have been feeling so anxious lately. It's the weirdest mix of emotions. While I am beyond excited to come home and see y'all {Mom, Dad, Kayleigh, Aubs, (and don't forget Autumn!!)} and work out and finally sleep for the first time in over 18 months, my heart throbs at the thought of leaving Korea. I love this place. I love these people. They taught me so much! They taught me how to be generous, honest, trustworthy, kind, funny, and how to eat a LOT of delicious food! They taught me how to make the best in any situation. They taught me how to have fun no matter what age you are. They taught me so much, they loved me SO much! But most of all, the Korean people taught me how to love as Christ loves. They helped me get one small step closer to my life goal of becoming like the "charity" (aka Christ) described in Moroni 7:45 that I have fasted, prayed, striven, struggled and worked to become over the last 18 months and two weeks. I love Korea and the people here so much. With all of my heart. There's a scripture in the Book of Mormon in Alma (maybe chapter 29) where it talks about how the Ammonites had treated Ammon and his brethren as if they were "angels sent from Heaven." That is how the members, investigators, and grandmas on the street have treated me for the last year and four months in this wonderful country. I feel like Ammon when he told King Lamoni that he'd like to dwell in the land of King Lamoni's people forever "even for the rest of [his] days." Y'all I am a wreck. I haven't cried pretty much my whole mission and I hate crying more than anything...BUT the other day during companionship study I broke down and started crying! I even had a tear! It was so funny because I was so excited to cry (because I haven't over the last 18 months) that I just started laughing and Sister Kramer and I just started cracking up! Sister Kramer is an angel! She has been taking such good care of me this transfer! We will be friends forever! Last night I was so stressed about going home so she gave me a facial and a foot massage. I am convinced that she is one of the three Nephites because she touched my nasty missionary feet without dying. She seriously is the best friend!

Anyway, I have so much I want to say, but so little time. So all I can say is that this mission, this happy, trying, shaping, challenging year and a half have been the best year and a half FOR my life (as one wise RM told me!) I love Jesus Christ. I know who He is now. He has been with me every day of my mission. He is with my when I jundo and serve and teach and love. I am so grateful for this mission and all that this 18 month walk with the Lord had taught me. Christ established His perfect gospel; The only way of living that can bring world peace, love, and understanding. Because of Him, His Atonement, and His love we can return to our Heavenly Father to live with our family and friends for eternity. And all of these pure and simple truths were lost and then found again through the prophet, Joseph Smith. I have come to know that all of this is true and that it's not just a good story as I have struggled for this message for the last 18 months. Let me tell you, I would not have gone through everything that I have gone through if this wasn't true and if I didn't know it with my whole heart. I am not perfect, but I know that if we keep the commandment and love others, we will make it home to Heavenly Father where He is waiting for us. This life doesn't just end. I think that is the most precious knowledge I have come to know on my mission. Before, I really had a hard time believing in life after death, but I know God lives and our family members and friends who have passed on do too. We will all be together again.

I am so grateful for this experience. I am so grateful for how the Lord has blessed me. I am so grateful for how He has refined me. My mission smoothed out some of my rough edges and helped me know which rough spots to keep working on. It taught me how to love and be patient with myself and others. I am not perfect (believe me, I'm far from it!), but I am trying to be better every day and this mission has taught me how to do that. It has been hard. There have been days that were dark and I was so weary and felt like I couldn't keep going. There were times when I felt like giving up. But through Christ and His Atonement, I, an imperfect 21-year-old girl, was able to accomplish this task.

To all of you out there who are preparing to serve, prepare to sacrifice everything. Your heart, your might, your mind, your strength, your body, your soul, and all of the little things you love. But your sacrifice will not be in vain. You will find people like Kim Unjung and her family and Jung Borahm and Jemm and they will be what's worth it. They will change your life. Your success as a missionary is (as my wonderful companions says), "Your commitment to Christ and your desire to serve Him." You may go out and baptize a million people, you may be like me and only baptize one, or you may not baptize anyone at all. But missionary work is not a work of numbers. Missionary work is a work of love. Never forget that.

To all of you who are sitting on the fence deciding whether or not you should serve, follow the Nike slogan and just do it!! You will not regret it. Let me reiterate that it will be HARD. Missions will always be hard. But hard is good. Hard things force you to grow and become the person God wants you to become. But missions are not about you. There never are, never were, and never will be. Missions are about inviting others to come unto their Savior, Jesus Christ. On your mission you will live for others and not yourself. And even though that is a hard task, we are all able to do it because the Lord just loves us and is on our side. And he would love to have you on His side. He doesn't expect perfect servants. He just wants you! So just do it. Just serve. Just give yourself up on the altar of sacrifice and then one day you'll be sitting at a computer at a cafe in a foreign country bawling your eyeballs out at the thought of going home.

Ahhh!!! Please don't make me go home! Give me six more weeks! Or six more months! I am not ready to go home and take off the tag. I love this work. I love Korea. I love the Korean language and speaking and hearing it every day everywhere I go!! I love the people!! I am going to miss this time so much! I am going to miss the tall, rolling green mountains. I am going to miss the delicious food. I am going to miss the grandmas and the smell of the fish market! I am going to miss the crazy stray cats and sharing the word of God to everyone on the streets of Korea! I am going to miss eating and sleeping on the floor. I am going to miss chopsticks and rice and kimchi! I am so not ready! But I know I have to obey the white handbook and go home on time so other missionaries can get visas (even though my visa/foreigner card don't expire until July of next year!!!). I know it's my time but I'm not ready for it!

I am so grateful for this wonderful, life-changing experience. It will be one that is sewn on my heart and something that I think about every day. I will never forget this most amazing, beautiful experience serving the most amazing, beautiful people in the world for the most amazing, beautiful God that I love.

Catch y'all on the flippity-flip!!!

사랑해요!!

"I you love!!"

잔스 자매

Johns Jamae